To tell someone how you feel without it sounding like blame, describe what happened and how it felt for you, then ask for one specific thing, rather than telling them what they are. It goes far better if you write the angry version first, privately, so the conversation is not where the pressure comes out.
Most hard conversations go wrong because they are carrying two jobs at once: releasing the pressure and asking for change. The release part is usually unfair, repetitive and loud, which is fine on paper and disastrous face to face.
So do them separately. Write the full, furious, unreasonable version first, to nobody. You can do it here on drift anonymously, or on paper you throw away. What is left afterwards is usually the calm, clear thing you actually want to say.
Leaving out labels like 'you always' and 'you are so selfish' is what keeps it from sounding like an accusation.
If what you want to say is that you like or love someone, the same principle helps: say what is true for you, and do not make them responsible for answering perfectly. 'I have started to really like you and I wanted you to know' is complete on its own. Over text is fine if that is how you two talk; just make it something you would be comfortable having said either way.
Then give them room. A good response is not always an instant one.
If telling someone how you feel has led to anger, punishment, silent treatment or being told you are imagining things, the problem is not your wording. You deserve to be able to say how you feel. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free on 0808 2000 247 if you recognise that pattern. If it is weighing on you heavily, Samaritans are free on 116 123 in the UK, and findahelpline.com lists services elsewhere.
Describe what happened plainly, say how it felt for you, explain why it matters, and ask for one specific thing. Avoid labels like 'you always' or 'you are selfish', which turn a feeling into an accusation.
Say what is true for you simply and without demanding an answer, for example: 'I have started to really like you and wanted you to know.' Then give them time to respond.
Yes, if that is how you normally communicate. Text gives you time to say it clearly and gives them time to think. Write it as something you would be comfortable having sent whatever their reply.
Write the hurt, angry version first, privately, so the pressure has somewhere to go. Then tell the person what happened, how it felt, and what you need, while you are calm enough to hear their side.
You are responsible for saying it fairly, not for how they react. If expressing feelings regularly leads to anger, punishment or being told you are imagining things, that is a pattern worth taking seriously.
Write the unfair version here first. Then say the clear one.
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